16 July 2001
Hello, duckies! Thought I'd jot a few lines to share with you some of my
thoughts on Singapore's newest arts neighbourhood: Waterloo Street!
A former public toilet and bucket latrine collection zone (hence its name),
it now seeks to hold a festival celebrating its past, with a nod to the future -
called: Jamban Jamboree!
Some of the highlights are:
Pirouette on the Toilette, presented by the Singapore Ballet Company, is
Singapore’s very own Swan Lake. The challenge of working within a confine space will bring out the
best, but hopefully not the lunches, in the dancers. This production portrays the rise and fall of our
toilet grace in the 20th century.
Flush in a Rush, a musical presentation by the Singapore Democratic Nationals
(DEMONS), seeks to demonstrate the futility of trying to keep out of big brother’s
surveillance in a boxed-in society like Singapore, the paralyzing fear of who might come a-knocking in the night, and
the subsequent frantic destruction of what one deems incriminating evidence of treachery and
independent thought.
Yesterday’s Dinner Today’s Destiny, presented by the Drama Club of the
Colorectal Surgeons Association, wants to reinforce the understatement that it is Singaporean’s
dietary habit that keeps their profession prosperous with the ongoing demand for haemorrhoid operations, and
highlights the plight of their small community against the growing tide of healthy eating.
Pooh Pooh presented by Dung Assemble Singapore (D’ASS) uses genuine
Singaporeans’ stools following a night of durian bingeing as a revolutionary medium to create sculptures
illustrating the stinking impact of materialism and affluence on our soul. D’ASS will also conduct a
sculpture workshop for children.
Splish, Splash, Splat presented by The Washroom Ensemble is an unusual rhythmic
performance involving striking water in toilet cisterns using washroom cleaning implements.
The four-piece Ensemble has an assortment of cleaning equipment from all over the world. Disposable
raincoats will be given free to the first twenty who book on the SISTIC website.
The Waterloo Street Public W.C. will provide the perfect setting for these
performances and the full impact on the olfactory senses guarantees to maximise audience reaction.
Now if that isn't a sign of our increasingly fertile arts scene, I don't know
what is! Whatever it is, you can't say it's crap!
- Artie
25 June 2001
And it's a wrap for yet another Singapore Farts
Fest!
And in this observer's humble estimation, of all
the previous festivals, I can honestly say that this year's was by far the most recent.
Just thought I'd round up my analysis of the
Farts Fest with a rundown of some of the more fartistically memorable events:
The Royal Mounted Canadian Police Ballet Corps'
performance of 'Dracula' was a toothsome affair, to say the least.
Especially since I spent the entire performance fantasizing about planting my
own set of chompers into the buttocks of the cantering cops' rather than the
storyline. They say the mounties always get their men. Well then,
darlings, you can get me any time! And mount me too, nudge,
nudge, wink, wink.
The Kuala Lumpur Malay Philharmonic also
put in one of the most viscerally thrilling orchestra performances I have ever
seen. Especially during their rendition of the Kampung Medan Suite Opus
No. Lima, when orchestra members engaged in a pitched street fight with the
visiting Petaling Jaya Indian Symphonic Orchestra.
Then there was the play One Hundred Years of
Waiting, a collaboration between two of Singapore's top theatre companies,
The Narcissistic Stage and The Theatre Abyss. I thought the play aptly
titled, as I couldn't wait for it to end. Not that the script or performance was
bad, mind you, but the person sitting next to me had tremendous B.O. The
story was apparently about Dr. Sun Yat Sen and how he spent his time in Malaya
plotting revolt. Well, the person sitting next to me was much more adept at
being revolting than Dr. Sun.
I was thoroughly entranced by the Teochew opera, Romance
of the Zipperfly Lovers, about a pair of lovers whose consummation of their
romance is foiled when one of them accidentally gets his foreskin caught on his
zipper. Well, that must have helped him hit the high notes! In looking at
the pink rouge that Teochew opera actors apply so liberally on their cheeks, one
is also forced to reconsider the origins of that ancient maxim, "Teochew
nang, kachng ang ang."
I was also very taken by Theatre Cox's surreal
play about mastectomy, One Breast Less, but less so by the multimedia,
multi-ethnic (and accurately-titled) musical project Urobdus: Wasting Time.
And of course, one mustn't forget the epic
Mandarin play staged by the Shanghai Dramatic Arts Centre - Shang Dang,
about an audience who is duped into shelling out tons of cash to watch what is
essentially a two-and-a-half hour-long Hong Kong chop socky film, minus the
special effects.
Clearly, this year's Farts Fest had a bold and
varied calendar, which they closed off with Tower of Shite, a vigorous blend of
fireworks and crap by a UK performance troupe.
Truly a fitting end: for what caps off a Farts
Fest better than a good unleashing of Shite?
Well done, all! Here's looking forward to the
next unleashing of Farts!
- Artie
11 June 2001
Hello, duckies!
As all of you arts aficionados know, the Singapore Farts Fest is on! And of
course, your good friend Artie Fatt is right in the thick of it.
This month-long extravaganza is probably the best we've ever had.
I think a fair amount of credit must go to our Minister for the Farts, who's
shown a stellar example by spending a good portion of the festival period in
Venice for their Biennale. As all arts fans in Singapore would agree, we too
would rather be in Venice!
Anyhow, I've been inspired by so many of the wonderful acts this year.
Like the Japanese all-women dance troupe F.Art Chao, with their white lacy
nightgowns billowing gently with their every bottom movement.
The anguish shown in their movements was stirring, leading the audience to
ponder the roots of their pain: too much wasabi the night before? Perhaps an
imminent follow-through?
The troupe also put a feminist spin on the subject of breaking wind, tackling
the subject of why so many men treat letting out a good fart as having scored a
goal, while women react to it with embarrassment and titters. You could smell
the power in the air.
There was also a significant amount of audience participation, due no doubt
to the quail's eggs and caviar served during the reception.
And similarly, I guess we all found out why, in our tropical country, so many
women wore pashmina shawls to the performance - when draped round the nose, the
wool really keeps the smells out.
Of course, the audience went wild for their trademark piece, the Farts of
Spring (Onions), set to Stravinsky's Rites of Spring. I can attest to the fact
that it was a pungent display which was absolutely breathtaking.
In fact, the lady next to me had so much breath taken from her, they had to
whisk her to the hospital. She should have worn her pashmina shawl after
all!
I very much look forward to bringing you more highlights of this year's Farts
Fest over the coming weeks.
But before I dash off to the next performance, I simply must give a plug to
the offering from veteran actor Ivor Keng's own company, Mild Rice - The
Woman In The Jamban At The Top Of The Stairs With No Toilet Paper.
The Woman is also a collaboration between Mild Rice and a Korean
cabbage-percussion group.
Rice and kimchi - a recipe for the creative farts if I've ever heard one!
Toodle-oo!
- Artie
4 June 2001
Three cheers to new broadcaster Mediaworse
and the launch of their channels Channel Few and TV Worse!
I'm
a big fan of TV Worse (my Fs in CL2 disqualify me from watching Channel
Few).
I think Mediaworse has
done a lot to bring diversity into our local TV diet.
The
stars in their roster, their presentation style, their drive to present
local issues in a cosmopolitan, American-influenced style...
Why,
it was just like watching TCS! Except on a different channel.
And
there's nothing wrong with that, is there? After all, it's the Singaporean
way to follow good examples.
And what
better example is there in Singapore than TCS (now Mediacock)? I mean,
it's government approved!
And
everyone knows that if anyone knows how to produce riveting TV,
it's the government!
Why, just a peek
at Today In Parliament is proof of this. The drama! The intellect! The
glamour! The beautiful people!
Without
government guidance, why, our programmes would be filled with people
speaking Hokkien and Singlish, rather than perfect Mandarin or English.
This
would be very bad indeed. Because it would attract a lot of
undesirable viewers like ordinary local people (ugh, what pests), instead
of foreign viewers (mmm!), who might not get the lingo.
And
everyone knows that what is really important to our broadcasters is that
their programmes can be syndicated to lucrative overseas markets.
It's
all part of being globally competitive, as the government says we should
be. And our arts has to be globally competitive too.
And
I completely agree with the government that the arts should be held to the
standards and criteria of business and industry. It makes for much better
art.
After all, I'm sure
you all agree that there's nothing like cuddling up in bed on a rainy day
with a nice, juicy business plan or IPO prospectus.
And
who needs drama when the stock market ticker tapes are so fascinating?
And
music - what more glorious sound is there than your boss at the company
D&D, or even better, your MP at the RC getai, karaoke-ing away?
The
sound of ka-ching! ka-ching!, of course! Money in the bank is music to
anybody's ears.
- Artie
14 May 2001
Hello, arts fans! This
week I've been thinking a lot about art education.
It's amazing to me that Singapore places
such a low premium on the arts in school. It's all focused on
science and maths. Don't they realise that art helps develop the
fluid and higher-level analytical skills than the linear, logical
methods of science? Art, after all, is the closest thing to theology,
whereas science approaches janitorial studies.
The conspirary theorist in me can't help
but wonder if there's a deliberate effort to stifle postmodern thought
in Singapore, since it would lead to a more questioning and less
obedient populace. But when I look at the wonderful folks in government,
I know those suspicions are unfounded. They're such warm, generous and
forward thinking people, they couldn't possibly engage in practices
designed to restrict dissent.
Perhaps it's because so many of them are
engineers, scientists and technocrats and it's only human to look only
to one's own sphere of experience to determine what's of value. In
other words, because they're engineers and believe they've achieved
success and power, they also believe their own lives should serve as a
blueprint to contentment. Fine as that may sound, it's very narrow
thinking. Life, after all, is much wider in scope!
And I think our government should be
exposed to the diversity of life in Singapore, so that they can see that
artists are as valuable to society as engineers!
And I volunteer to be a role model for
the arts in Singapore: I'm only 35 years old but I have rich and diverse
job experience (I've job-hopped and been fired a lot), who is
unflinchingly filial (I still live with my mother) and who is filled
with a deep, deep love for my fellow man (I actively search for fellow
men in bars every night so I can fill them with my deep, deep love).
Surely after meeting me, the government
will want to encourage more kids to grow up to be like me!
And if they want, I can also go to all
the schools and give the students some exposure. I'm always very willing
to expose myself to kids!
Especially boys. With the girls, I
can give them some makeup tips.
Now wouldn't that be a step in the right
direction for arts education in Singapore?
Tell your MP about me today!
- Artie
30 April
2001
The Singapore Film Fest is over and what a
wrap-up!
The Silver Screen Awards ended the fest
with a suitably glamourous end, but even though I was there at the Westin,
I can't attest to that.
Because I was ensconced in a Raffles City
toilet with a young clapper-loader from Ngee Ann Poly who was, eh, showing
me how to load his film.
But I wholeheartedly support the
Fest.
It really gives Singaporean audiences the
chance to catch up on world cinema offerings which invariably get crowded
out by Hollywood crap.
Still, I'm a little peeved at the awards
given out.
For instance, in true kiasu
Singapore-style, we gave the best picture prize to someone who'd already
won at Cannes.
Not to mention giving that Short Film
Special Achievement award to those cheesy amateurs who did eAhLong.com.
I mean, really! Understandable narratives and low budgets are so
passé!
And I'm also disappointed that the
Singapore Film Commission didn't screen any of the films I suggested,
like:
 |
Menage á Foie Gras (France) - a
delicate tale from rural France about a farmer who persuades his wife
to let their pet geese join in their lovemaking. |
|
Kim Chee: Buy! (South Korea) - a
poignant account of a smalltime entrepreneur from Seoul who's trying
to purchase a consignment of pickled vegetables. (Somehow, for
some unfathomable reason, the SFC objected to the title.) |
|
Hitler In Love (Germany) - just
how did a small Austrian postcard painter get the inspiration to start
a fascist state bent on world-domination? It's all to do with romance. |
|
Wonkan Singh (Singapore) - a
tale inspired by Kafka's Metamorphosis, about a Chinese politician who
wakes up to find himself a bhai. |
There are so many more unappreciated gems
that Singaporeans may never have a chance to see, alas!
And it's not only in terms of film. It's
also in all the other arts.
Basically, some government linked
organisation decides even the non-mainstream stuff we're supposed to
see!
Perhaps in the tradition of how the
Slamdance and Slumdance Festivals grew up around the Sundance Festival, I
shall create a rival to the Singapore Film Fest and the Singapore Arts
Fest, showing all the stuff that they didn't let in.
The Singapore Fatt-Fest, it'll be
named. Ooh, I can see that this will spread far and wide!
- Artie
5
April 2001
It's amazing where you find art. Sometimes
it's not in some spiak gallery or museum or library, it's right under your nose.
For instance, I've just discovered one of
Singapore's greatest living performance poets, and he lives in my block. Though
he doesn't know it yet.
(That he's one of Singapore's greatest living
performance poets, I mean, not that he lives in my block.)
His name is Chin Ah Kee, and he is clearly in the
mould of the classical angry young poet.
I first encountered his verses last week, when he
was giving an impromptu recital of his work at a nearby coffee shop.
It was a dramatic impassioned piece, which he
delivered in a provocative style, his leg up on a chair, a cigarette dangling
from his lips:
Ni na beh
Wah chin too lan
Kin jik buay kee
Pang kupoon
Tio saman
A Hokkien haiku! Amazing!
I immediately recognised the power in his cadence
and words - the economy of language, combined with the ferocity of the subject
matter.
I immediately abandoned my ice Milo and rushed up
to him and to inquire if he was a published poet.
He seemed rather embarrassed by my question -
what a modest man! - and said, no.
When I asked him why not, he merely replied with
another Hokkien haiku:
Wah beh hiao
Kong ang mor
Pembry four
Too kee cho kang
Boh tak chek liao
I told him it was a crime - a crime! - that a singular voice like his has not
been made known to the world and studied in NUS!
I then volunteered to commit his verses to
paper. This seemed to upset him a little, and he tried, in all humility,
to wave me away. However, that he did so in rhyme showed that a part of
him was definitely intrigued by the possibility:
Kan ni na
Seow Ah Quah!
Ai kiam pah?
Lai lah!
Ni nao hiah!
I didn't succeed in persuading him that day as he
was pretty adamant. He even threw an ABC extra stout bottle at me, in the
fine tradition of hard-living poets like Dylan Thomas.
However, he also seemed to have a coterie of
selfish friends who seemed intent on keeping his talents hidden from the world,
and who threatened me with violence for daring to suggest that his masterful
poetry be shared with the community at large.
Philistinism is alive and well in Bukit Gorblok
Central, alas.
I still haven't managed to persuade Chin, but I
do take the opportunity to lurk outside his flat and jot down whatever snatches
of genius I manage to overhear. Like this gem I retrieved today:
Chao chee bye
Hee lay chao Ah Quah
Tup pai lai
Wah eh choo
Ji seow wah!
Someday, my valiant one, your verses will
illuminate the drab artistic wasteland that is our country!
- Artie Fatt
