Interviews

Our journalist Cherry N. George, conducts his final interview for Talkingcock.com. He’ll be moving on to better things. In this final interview, he is with novelist Philip J. Ratnam and Stink Centre’s Shames Gonads to discuss the issues affecting Singaporeans today. Cherry would like to receive emails from readers on what they think of his series of interviews. He can be emailed at: interviews@talkingcock.com.

Cherry N: Hello, talkcockers!! Your beloved journalist Cherry N. George will be leaving Talkingcock.com! I’ll be moving to better things as I’m about to complete my Ph.D. studies in the US and have just completed my book: "Singapura: The Ball-Carrying Nation". Today, I have with me 2 prominent writers: Mr. Philip J. Ratnam who is a quadruple first class honours graduate from Camoverheadbridge University in England. His novel: “First, Gloves: how not to touch local politics despite being the son of an opposition politician” has sold very well. I also have with me Mr. Shames Gonads from political watchdog organisation, Stink Centre, whose recent book: “Singapore’s Shame: Disrobing whilst not drawing the curtains in your HDB flat”, has received tepid reviews. In case you haven’t noticed, all of us are in our army uniform as we are on our reservist duties. I have got permission from my platoon sergeant to conduct this interview right here in Pee Soon Camp.

Shames Gonads: Well Cherry N. George, since you’re leaving Talkingcock, I have a gift for you from Stink Centre, it is two tennis balls with your name embossed on it, here you go!

Cherry N: Why thank you Shames! How long have you been holding on to them?

Shames Gonads: Well, since I left home for the interview.

Cherry N: My, my. You mean you’ve been carrying my balls all this while and I didn’t even know it?

Shames Gonads: It's a skill that takes years to perfect.

Philip J. Ratnam: So tell us why are you leaving Talkingcock at the height of your popularity? You are virtually a Singaporean institution!!!

Cherry N: To be honest, I’m on a scholarship from the government to study in the US and I intend to break my bond and join a big US firm when I graduate. So I had better cut my links with anything Singaporean because I’ll be publicly shamed when this happens.

Philip J. Ratnam: I see. Let's talk about your book. Of course, my book is the best. Why did you choose such a boring subject, Cherry? And you, Shames, why do you have to write about something involving nudity? Doesn't that reveal more about you?

Cherry N: Listen you English-educated snot! My book is the best, alright? It deals with the serious subject of ball- carrying, which is a Singapore grassroots organisation pastime! And your book, I can't even open it because the shrinkwrap is too tight! What is it with you and not touching local politics? And Shames' book is even worse - it's only about watching others, but not jumping in!

Shames Gonads: Hello, you not happy, izzit? Want to fight, izzit?

Cherry N: Scared what? Come, lah!

Philip J. Ratnam: Yes, I find both your behaviour absolutely deplorable! Let us engage in fisticuffs!

SFX: Dishoom! Dishoom! Dishoom! Dishoom! Dishoom! Dishoom!

[Editors note: In case you’re wondering what “Dishoom” means, it is actually the sound effect created when Indians get into a fight as depicted in the Saturday afternoon Tamil movies that are screened on the Malaysian TV channels. If you notice, the sound effect of a punch has remained the same for the past 50 years of Tamil movie making!]

[Editor’s Note: In the midst of the brawl, Sgt. Tan, their platoon sergeant, walks in]

Sgt. Tan: Kan ni nah!!!!!! How come all the ahnehs are together! When I count to 3, I want to see all the ahnehs disappear! There shall be no racial enclaves in the Army!!! When I count to 3, I want to see you cheebyes disappear amongst the 77% ethnic Chinese reservist population, OK!

[Editor’s Note: For the sake of all female talkcockers and Malaysians who evade National Service, there is an unwritten rule in the Armed Forces that 2 Indians cannot be in close proximity of each other. They should mix around with the ethnic Chinese and Malays so that there are no racial enclaves or “cliques” formed.]

Cherry N: Well folks, this is my final interview. And I’d very much like to hear your comments on my interviews. Email me at interviews@talkingcock.com. This is Cherry N. George, signing off for Talkingcock.com – for the last time. And remember: never be economical with the truth!!!!

- contributed by Chin Du Lan

READ PREVIOUS INTERVIEWS