I remember last time before independence that time, hor, we were governed by all these rich people who were educated abroad and did not understand the lives of the average person.

But the PAP change all that and have set up a system where we can be content, knowing that we will be governed by all these scholars from well-off upper-class famblies who received their education in Oxbridge or some American Ivy League university. How times have changed, hor?

And the PAP has also done a lot to boost the health services of the nation.

For exampur, years ago when I go Geylang or Desker Road that time, every now and then I will kena some disease on my kukucheow.

And then when I go see my sinseh, he will ask me to drink something like snake's gallbladder in rat's blood and then bang my kukucheow against the wall, while wrapped in lotus leaves and tiger balm.

Or wait... maybe that was my wife who did that.

Or my P.E. teacher. I can't remember... 

Anyway, now, because the gah'men regulates all the kways here under the health services, all of us can feel secure when we go Geylang and chase.

And that means we have raised the standards of our prostitution industry!  

I think so that because of the PAP's public health policies, we now have the world's best hookers! And attract customers from all over the world!

So they not only improved our health, they improve our economy and our tourism as well!

The other day, I went to my MP's Meet the People Session to suggest to him that the Singapore Tourism Board should publicise our kways more.  

And in return for my suggestion, I should get some kind of gah'men-approved discount.

Because now that our kways are so clean, they are getting more and more customers and their charges are becoming higher and higher! Nao hiah.

But when it was my turn to see my MP, he suddenly said that he "had to rush off to a MINDEF meeting because we had suddenly declared war on Atlantis."

It's very hard to see my MP. He's always so busy.  The past few times when it was my turn to see him, he also had to postpone because he was suddenly stricken with a rare form of nausea, had to tend to global warming and campaign for abortion rights for gay whales.

Sometimes I think he's trying to avoid me, but that can't be.  It's probably just that he's a PAP MP and is si beh busy.

Anyway. Nowsaday, all these young peepur complain that the PAP doesn't respect freedom of speech, greater transparency or accountability.

What this shows me is that chewrens all have no respect for tradition. Whereas the PAP does.

I ask you, in all of Chinese history, where got freedom of speech, transparency or accountability? The PAP is just maintaining our traditions by preserving Confucian governmental styles.

In fact, I think the PAP should crack down on these young peepur, just like the Qing Dynasty gah'men cracked down on the dissident White Lotus sect.

The White Lotus sect dressed up in all-white and ruthlessly controlled its followers with propaganda and draconian rules in order to achieve their aims.

Doesn't this seem familiar to you?

Lim Peh ka li kong, if the PAP doesn't do something about it, history might repeat itself!

- LIM PEH

June 4 2001

Lim Peh ka li kong, hor, all these transport companies wanting to raise their fares really makes me si beh too lan.

They know that nowsaday with economic downturn, we all got less money, and they still want to raise prices.

Si beh inconsiderate!

If bus prices go up, that means I have to cut back on my trips to Geylang and Desker Road oreddy.

So is mean that not only the economy got downturn, but my kukucheow also got downturn.

All these chao transport companies dare to want to charge so high when they take me such short distances.

Not like the kways at Desker Road and Geylang. 

For only a few dollars, they take me all the way to heaven.

And so fast, some more.

But when I complain to my chewren, they all like not very sympathetic like that.

My son say, "Aiyah, Pa, why you kao peh kao bu? You got senior citizen concession, mah!"

Si noong kia!

I told him, we only get concession during off-peak hours.

But then, if I am off-peak, what for I need to go Geylang?

I only go to these places when I am on peak, mah!

Lim Peh ka li kong, gah'men should give us concession the whole day to take bus or MRT.

Especially senior citizens like me who need to get sexual therapy.

Otherwise, they call it pubic transport for what?

I whole life take pubic transport, but see very few pubes on the bus!

I really think the gah'men should be aware of the problems senior citizens are facing in finding affordable, quality prostitution.

So I go to the Meet the People session to tell my MP.

But the chao MP, he say he cannot help me.

"Mr. Lim," he say. "Every week you come to see me and ask me to help you find prostitutes. It is not within my power to do that."

Talk cock! I told him, "Eh! You gah'men whole life screw people, where cannot find prostitute?"

Some more, Singapore gah'men give Indonesia so much money.

Surely, Indonesia should at least send some free kways back in exchange!

But no, we still have to go to Batam and find.  And gah'men also never subsidize the ferry for old folks like me.

And when I complain about the rise in fares, he say to me, "The transport services are now privatised. All we can do is have the Lan Transport Authority ensure that costs are reflective of the market, and not arbitrary."

Nao hiah! I told him, "Like that, then the Lan Transport Authority is not doing anything! Because my Lan is not being transported, mah!" 

Lim Peh ka li kong, hor, when it comes to pubic transport, the gah'men really takes people for a ride!

- LIM PEH

14 May 2001

Lim Peh ka li kong, hor, the labour movement in Singapore is not what it used to be.

Nowsaday, all the unions are si beh supportive, all want to cooperate with the gahmen.

Like that, how can?

Trade union cannot really represent the workers if they're too busy trying to carry the balls of the management, what!

All this cooperative hup-chop, hup-chop atmosphere also goes against the spirit of labour movements round the world.  

It is not helping to carry out what the workers really want to do.

And that is to strike.

Lim Peh ka li kong, strike is damn shiok, one. Don'tch have to work, can walk around and shout insults at people.

Acherly, my son just said to me, "But that's exactly what you do at home everyday. What are you kao peh-ing about?"

Si noong kia! Nowsaday the chewrens can all talk back to the parents! 

So I scold him, say, you chewrens nowsaday all boh tua boh suay! I ask him, how can subordinates like that, don't give face to their superiors?

And you know what the si gin nah replied? He said, "Good question.  Why don't you ask the workers that about their management?"

Nao hiah! This is what happens when you give your chewren too much education.  

They learn more than their parents, and just because of that, think they know more too. 

Education is destroying the traditional heirarchy of the fambly! 

Anyway, I had a good response to my son. I called him a "chee bye" and threw my cha kiak at him. Let's see you argue that one, college boy!

Anyway, back to the labour movement.  

I remember the Hock Lee Bus Riots in 1955. 

I was acherly working in one of the striking bus companies at that time, some more.

It was very exciting: got lots of shouting, got communists, got violence, got people die.

At least that's what I was told. 

I never actually took part in the riots.  

While my fellow workers were striking and rioting, I was going around and chee-honging their wives and girlfriends.

Why? Cannot, ah? The poor wives, their husbands all go out, never pay them any attention.  So I think so I was doing my fellow workers a service by taking care of their wives while they were out.

Some people may say, like that I don't show solidarity.  To them, I say, ask the wives! They will tell you I show them my solidarity everyday!

Some more, I was also doing my part to make sure that my fellow workers' views were being transmitted to the management.

I was also chee-honging the managers' wives.

As you can see, I was a real fighter for workers' rights. I was both a lover AND a fighter.

But nowsaday, all the unions all prefer to negotiate, do'wan to strike. Like that, people like me where got any more opportunity to chee hong their wives?

Lim Peh ka li kong, nowsaday, people don't have any respect for traditional practices!

- LIM PEH