Singaporean Christmas Carols

Singaporean Christmas Carols
by Coq Au Vin and Pak Cham Kai

ISD IS GONNA FIND OUT
(to the tune of 'Santa Claus is Coming To Town')

You better not pout
You better not cry
You better watch out I'm telling you why
ISD is gonna find out

They're reading your mail
They're bugging your soup
To find out if you're
A communist dupe
ISD is gonna find out

They watch you when you're sleeping
Awake it's still the same
And if you act boh tua boh suay
You will sure kena detain

So better not pout
Or kau peh kau bu
Or they will reserve
The air-con for you
ISD is gonna find out

FILL THE MALLS
(to the tune of 'Deck the Halls')

Fill the malls with Christmas spending!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Use your Visa till it's bending!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Till you reach your credit ceiling!
Fa la la la la la la la la
And the interest starts increasing!
Fa la la la la la la la la
See the letters all demanding!
Fa la la la la la la la la
See the writ of seizure coming!
Fa la la la la la la la la
Bailiffs come with smiles-a-gleaming!
Fa la la la la la la la la
What a novel Christmas greeting!
Fa la la la la la la la la

JINGLE BENGS
(to the tune of 'Jingle Bells')

Refrain:
Jingle bengs, Jingle bengs
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to squat
And then shout, "Ni na beh!"
(Eh!)
Jingle bengs, Jingle bengs
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to squat
And then shout, "Ni na beh!"

Hooting down the road
And piah-ing down the street
Later we'll chuay kway
Then go out and eat
Geylang is tok kong
For down every lorong
You're sure to find things all night long
To make you si beh song
(Eh!)

Repeat refrain

O LITTLE TOWN OF SINGAPORE
(to the tune of "O Little Town of Bethlehem")

O little town of Singapore
How small you are in size
And yet you like
To use your mike
To go and proselytize
Though your Asian values
You know are but a ruse
To justify
Making folks cry
Their liber-ties you bruise
"You must obey your elders
No matter what they say
To be unfi-
-Li-al, you see
Is a treasonous display."

SILENT FART
(to the tune of 'Silent Night')

Silent fart
Smelly fart
Eat durian
Chin chia lat
Bastard
Why you so
Buay tse tong
Just let go
Like that, si beh hiong
Damn incon-si-der-a-ate
Da-amn in-con-sider-ate

SOUTH IN EAST ASIA
(to the tune of "Away in a Manger")

South in East Asia
By a flag white and red
The little lord Harry
Lay down his vast head
He's built up this island
It's rich though it's small
The people love Harry
And carry his balls.

WE THREE SINGHS
(to the tune of "We Three Kings")

We three Singhs
Of Paya Lebar
One in taxi
One in car
One on scooter
Peeping his hooter
All going to Khalsa.

Refrain:
Oh-oh, Bhai what colour?
Ouch! It's white!
Why you pinch
So bloody tight?
Homeward heading
Ghee a-spreading
Bhais want chapati tonight.

ON THE 12TH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, A SINGAPOREAN GAVE TO ME...