On June 15th, 2001, at the wedding of his niece held at the well-known Red Star restaurant at Havelock Road, Mr Kiam Ai See, owner of the Wu Lui chain of hardware stores, performed his amazing feat. 

Despite the average cost of $40 per head charged by Red Star, Mr Kiam gave an ang pow worth exactly 5 cents to the wedding couple, completely bucking the trend of giving an ang pow proportionate to the cost of the wedding dinner for each person.  This amounted to exactly 0.125%

Mr Kiam explains, "I didn't give 4 cents or $40 because, you know, at weddings, it is very bad luck to give any amount with the number 4.  And, this is such a happy occasion, that's why I gave 5 cents.  Some more, the Singapore 5 cent coin got the gold colour, so it's very auspicious for the couple."  

Filled with the double happiness of his niece's wedding and winning this award, Mr Kiam downed multiple bottles of Cognac provided by the young couple at the wedding dinner and had to ride home with the couple in the wedding car as he was too drunk to drive.  

When the bride was asked how she felt about her uncle winning this award, she said with understated quiet pride, "I heard he's adopted."  

Ms. Kiam, a clerk  in a construction company, and her husband will not be going for their honeymoon as they have to work to pay off their wedding.

Mr Kiam is also the proud winner of 'the man least invited to any wedding' award, and recycles toilet paper.

In most Singaporean restaurants, one often hears the subdued sounds of patrons opening their wet towelette packets after their meals with a distinct 'pok'.

The sound is made by first gripping the sealed packets to compress the air, and then hitting it, causing it to burst open. Although regarded by many as impolite, it is an extremely common practice, because it is fast and effective, and less irritating than tearing it open with one's teeth.

However, if you hear a "pok" that sounds something between a gun-shot and the explosion of the car tire, you know you are dining in the presence of Ms Buay Pai Say.  

A small, thin, delicate young woman of 40, Ms Buay poks her wet towelette packets in the decibel range of between 300-400.  

Ms Buay explains, "I have been in training for the past 30 years.  When I was 10 years old, I went to Lau Ya restaurant when I heard this extremely loud pok that came from behind me on the left - it almost burst my ear drums!  I looked around and saw my destiny - I would be be the loudest wet towelette pok-er in Singapore.  I promised myself then that I would never eat in a restaurant again until I had mastered at least 300 decibels in my pok-ing." 

Ms Buay has certainly been successful, for babies cry, grown men duck under the table, and glass breaks when Ms Buay poks her wet towelette packet. To all budding pok-ers, Ms Buay says cryptically, "It's all in the wrist."

Still on the theme of towels in restaurants, this award goes to 44 year-old Mr Chit Seen Ku.  At 359 pounds, Mr Chit certainly had the advantage of having more surface area than the other nominees.

Describing what she saw on Sunday, May 6th, 2001 in the crowded Golden Bee Bee KTV and dim sum restaurant, waitress Ms Da Lulai said, "I was using my tongs to give Mr Chit the good morning towel. He took the towel from my tongs very politely, saying thank you.  And then, he bent over. I thought he dropped something, but he was really wiping his toe nails. And then he wiped his whole feet and then his legs. And he wiped his thighs a few times because he said he'd been sweating sitting there for so long.  And then after that, he lifted up his shirt and wiped his tummy a few times. After that, he lifted up his arms and put the towel through his sleeve to wipe his arm pit. First the left and then the right.  Then, the neck, and the ears.  After that, he placed the towel on his face for a few minutes to relax after all that work, and then he wiped his mouth and put the towel back on my tray. I was just amazed, so I stood there and got to see the whole thing." 

Altogether, counting the multiple times he wiped his thighs, Mr Chit wiped a total surface area of 550 square feet, the square footage of a small apartment. 

When asked why his wiping is so extensive, Mr. Chit replied, "Save water, mah."

Proud of his achievement, Mr Chit has in fact framed up the yellowish 'good morning' towel that he used when we first spotted him and gave him this award.  

The body surfaced area wiped has also since increased as he has been inspired to wipe in areas where no man has gone before - "Discretely, of course," he says, "I don't want to seem rude."

Mr. Chit is currently the subject of several lawsuits by restaurant waitresses for a range of injuries, ranging from emotional distress to nausea.

Mr. Long Zhong Ai is a happy man.  He is the one person in Singapore who has managed to maximize all government incentives.  

33 years old with 3 children, Mr. Long says he started on his quest to use all government incentives because, "It's my citizen's rights, what."  

An engineering graduate and a local SAF scholar, Mr. Long met his wife through the chat room run by SDU and decided to get married when they were both 27 years old.  

Because they agreed to hold the wedding at the SDU headquarters, the couple got their entire wedding reception free.  

Before the wedding, they had already got their names registered with the HDB.  In addition to their first-time buyers' bonus, they also got an extra $50,000 discount because they had chosen a flat near their parents.  

And then, when the elections came around, Mr. & Mrs. Long went out to stump for the PAP and got their flat upgraded. 

"It certainly increased the value of our flat," Mrs. Long explains.  The upgraded extension now provides space for them to store their children's assessment books.

Not surprisingly, Mr. and Mrs. Long, both graduates, had 3 children before they turned 31 and received a further 7 years of tax exemption.  

Mr. Tan has also conscientiously topped-up his CPF every time there is a top-up offer and he is now the proud owner of 500 Singtel shares.  

What is Mr. Long's secret? "Well, you can only get the most out of life if you are always aware of the deadlines and what life has to offer if you take action by those deadlines.  We read the Straits Times everyday so we are always aware of what our citizens' rights are.  I believe I've simply managed my life better than most," says a very fit Mr. Long who also wins a staggering $400 every year in monetary awards for his reservist IPPT.

Mr. Long is an officer with the Ministry of Cogs and Wheels.

Mr. TAN KOO KOO, the oldest pre-tertiary student in Singapore graduated from Vocational Institution at the age of 36.  

A resident of Hong Kan GRC, this youthful and proud 36 year-old, tells his story.  “I was 7 years old when I went to Primary One.  Every year, I stay back once, so when I got to Primary Six, I was 18 years old.  Luckily, at they time, they decided to have the monolingual system, so I studied until Primary 8.  After that, I got into Normal Technical Stream, so every year stay back one year until I reach Secondary 5.  Then after that, I went to Vocational Institution and spent another 5 years.”

Mr CHIN CHIA KIAM lives with his wife in a semi-detached  house on King’s Road and walks to work everyday.  

Mr Chin explains his story, “It’s not that I need the money, you know, I am actually just stingy with a passion.  I was the reason why 10 years ago McDonald’s in Singapore decided to stop giving out free serviettes, you know or not.  At that time, hwah, everyday I will walk to as many McDonald’s as I can with my all the NTUC plastic bags that I save and sapu all the serviettes.  I am still using them now – because I recycle.  Every time I use one serviette, I will wash carefully and put it out in the sun.”  

Asked if he also recycles toilet paper, Mr Chin says, “No, lah! You think I crazy, ah?  What I do is I make each roll of toilet paper into two rolls by carefully lifting one ply and rolling it up.”

What about special occasions?  “Last year for my wedding anniversary, I treated my wife to a bowl of kan chia mee complete with pig’s blood at Maxwell Hawker Center – only 50 cents a bowl.  This year Maxwell is under renovation so I think I will take her to Bukit Gorblok Hawker Center because down there it’s very hot and uncomfortable so most people don’t finish their food.  I can make quite a feast from the leftovers and we only need to buy the kam chia chui because I don’t like to drink from the glasses that other people drink from.”

72 year-old “Dr” AI SIEW YOKE is the proud owner of the kitchen cabinet most well-stocked with medicine.  Her large 10-foot by 8-foot pink kitchen cabinet is stocked with all kinds of medicines, from antibiotics to Lomotil and cough syrup.  She has been fondly called “Dr” Siew by her neighbors in Bukit Gorblok who have come to rely on her comprehensive supplies of medicine.

“I always thought, why waste perfectly good medicine?  Every time you go to see the doctor, you pay, what, $20 and you get a packet of medicine.  But you never finish the whole packet.  So I keep the remainder for everybody.  All the neighbors know, so whenever they have relatives or friends who have medicine, they give it to me to keep.  It’s like the tontine system like that – every one contributes so when someone has the need, we help them.”

Mr BUAY TA HAN only takes 2.23 seconds after eating anything to feel the urge to pass motion, without laxatives.  “Yes, 2.23 seconds must be quite a record.  Actually that’s the time if I am sitting down.  If I stand and eat, it only takes 2.21 seconds because the gravitational pull helps the food go down faster.” 

Mr Buay Ta Han also holds the fastest time for 100-metre dash in the world, a record made when he was only 17.  Asked how he achieved this fantastic feat, My Buay explains, “You see, when I was in the track and field meet in Junior College, my coach had the idea that eating a banana just before the race would put enough potassium in me to help me run faster.  Well, it sure helped, because within 2.21 seconds, I really needed to go toilet. Wah lau, I tell you, that hundred metres seemed very long, man. But once I reached the toilet, wah, shee foke sai.”

The auntie that you see collecting your 20 cents from you at the Bukit Gorblok Hawker Centre is no ordinary toilet attendant.  Her net worth is 3 million dollars, more than most of the tie-wearing executives who pay her 20 cents to use the toilet.  Mdm HENG NENG KAK is the richest woman in Singapore, and she makes her money from 4-D.  

“Well, it is part talent, part psychic energy and mostly my dead husband. You see, every night I sleep with pencil and paper by me bed so when my Ah Lau come and tell me this week’s 4-D, I can immediately write it down.  The best is when Ah Lau give me dirty dream, then I know that week sure touch one.  Like if he show the number written in sai on the toilet door, or he aim and pee the number for me to see.  Ah, hwah, then sure very tzun.” 

It is common to hear parents telling their children, “chiak, chiak” over family dinners in Chinese families.  But in the family of Mr and Mrs CHIN LAY CHAY, Chinese-Indonesians who emigrated to Singapore in 1982, you will hear an average of 2047 “chiak’s” over a one and a half hour dinner.  That works out to be an astounding 22.74 "chiak’s” per minute. 

Says Jasmine Chin, the 13 year-old daughter of the couple, “From young, we have been taught to be courteous and polite, so even before the dinner begins, we have to invite everyone to eat.  We say “Pa chiak, Ma chiak, Ah Kong in heaven chiak, Ah Mah in heaven chiak, Tua Yee in Jurong chiak, Jee Yee in Tampines chiak, Sah Yee in Australia chiak, Senior Minister Lee chiak, Prime Minister Goh chiak, President Nathan chiak, Chow Yuen Fatt chiak, … you get the idea.”

Mr and Mrs Chin explain that in this family, they are thankful for everything they have to everyone they have ever come across.  Their practice of thanking everyone and reminding each other to chiak during the dinner has preserved family values and ensured that every one in the family is always thinking of each other.  

“We also say 'chiak, chiak' to make sure that all the food on the plates is finished.  Some people are not used to it initially when they eat with us, but they all enjoy it after a while because unlike most other families, we never run out of things to say to each other at the dinner table,” says Mrs Chin. "Besides, they usually sapu the food while we're 'chiak'-ing away."

18 year-old Mr BOH LANG AI is the teenage boy who has spent the longest time with a Filipina maid without seeing his parents.  Lang Ai was born in Kandang Kerbau Hospital on June 5, 1983 - at 7.2 pounds, a cuddly bundle of love.  After spending the first 3 seconds of his life in his corporate lawyer mother’s arms and with his investment banker father’s adoring eyes looking on, the care of Lang Ai was taken over by his family’s Filipina maid, Floridita, whom he fondly calls Flory.