We, The Citizens Archive 2

We, The Citizens... is a column written by a different Singaporean every week, reflecting their lives in the democratic society (based on justice and equality) in which we live!

13 August 2001

TODAY'S CITIZEN:
Quah Mah Ching, NDP audience member, 10

Last week Daddy took me, Mummy and Chair Chair to see the National Day Parade.

This was even though Daddy would rather have stayed home to watch reruns of the Manchester United game.

But then, Mummy said Uncle Chin next door managed to get Auntie Chin tickets and how come Daddy never take Mummy anywhere, whole life only want to go to the pub and watch Man. U with his useless friends, so Daddy guai-guai kena line up for several hours to get tickets.

Acherly, I also din'ch want to go, and would rather stay home and play Nintendo, and Chair Chair also wan' to go pak tor, but then, Daddy was damn too lan after lining up for so long, and threaten to cut our allowance, so we lan-lan kena go.

And then, just before we stepped out of the door, Mummy asked Chair Chair why must she always wear black, and then Chair Chair said, "Cannot meh? You always want to control only!" and then Mummy's face became blacker than Chair Chair's clothes.

And then Mummy said, "Today is National Day, why can't you all wear red and white?" And then we all say, we don't have red and white clothes, but then, Mummy took out this plastic bag and said, "I know! So I went out to specially buy these for you!"

So we all kena wear these red and white polka dotted clothes to the National Stadium, and all these people thought we were part of the parade because we looked like some spastic clowns.

So we entered the stadium and collected our fun packs - each person got one. But then Daddy made us walk away for ten minutes, hide behind a pillar, and then come back again to see if we can get extra packs.

After that, we went to take our seats, each of us carrying three fun packs. I thought our seats quite good, because can see everything. But then, Mummy still a bit not happy because Uncle and Auntie Chin managed to get VIP seats while Daddy only mentioned to get us tickets in the 'heartlander' section.

Before the Parade, got a "pre-show", where these DJs with funny angmorified accents tried to get us to sing community songs, but then we all donno the words. Acherly, the souvenir programme inside got the lyrics, but it was so bladdy hot, everyone was using the souvenir programme to fan themselves instead of reading it.

I also had a fun time playing with the 'pong bong' sticks inside the fun pack - they're like these two long balloons which you inflate and then when you whack them together, it makes a sound.

Chair Chair looked at them and said, "Ee-yurr! National Day condoms!" and then Mummy scolded her, and ask her "How come you thirteen years old already know what a condom is?" and Chair Chair pretended she acherly didn't say anything.

I acherly thought the fun pack was damn useful, because the stadium was so crowded and it was too difficult to get to the toilets, so I emptied out the enclosed water bottle and peed into it.

After that, we saw a lot of people marching and dancing and had to stand up when these men in white came in. I donno who they are, but I think I heard Daddy say they're from "Chao Garments", so I think they're clothing manufacturers.

The dancing was quite interesting, and so were the soldiers and the fireworks, but I keep thinking it would have been even more interesting if the soldiers had set fire to the dancers. That would have been cool.

Anyway, pretty soon, the show was all over. Mummy asked me what I thought, and I asked, "Honest?" and she nodded, and I replied, "It was damn faggoty." And after she had finished twisting my ear, I realized that people always lie when you ask them if they want you to be honest. It is a very cheem concept.

But Daddy said he enjoyed it, and when I asked him what he enjoyed the most, he smiled in a funny way, and said, "The cheerleaders, but for god's sake, don't tell you mother."

So would I go to NDP again? Definitely! Because I want to be like Daddy and make some money selling the fun packs over eBay.

Majulah Singapura!

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16 July 2001

TODAY'S CITIZEN:
CPT Keow Khee Kah,
SAF officer

People ask me why I signed on, and I tell them that it's the buzz of being a military man - a modern day warrior! None of these wimpy tie-and-jacket jobs for me. It still makes my heart pump with patriotism when I don the old green uniform every day. Even the zippered boots.

Why, just check out a typical workday in my life and tell me whether or not my life is more meaningful than your pathetic Shenton Way existence.

0645: Reveille. The dawn has barely broken. I rouse the sergeant and tell her to get the troops up. She says, "I'm your wife, you fucking moron, stop calling me 'sergeant'." Make her sign extra for insubordination.

0715: Move out with the troops in the tonner (new Toyota Camry model).

0730: Drop the troops off in school and remind them that this afternoon they have Chinese tuition.

0830: Get into camp. Official start is actually 0800, but bad traffic on the CTE. So I used my topo skills to find an alternate route which took me to Bukit Timah hawker centre, where the chai tao kway is excellent. Look at the shiny Mindef building and think how different it is to all those other wimpy civil service buildings. Salute to the RPs. You think the jaga at MOE salutes their officers? Kum pooi! They don't even have RPs. Wimps.

0830 - 0845: Clear up desk in case the CO wants a stand-by-desk. My colleagues arrive at 0845 as traffic on AYE and PIE worse than CTE, and they topo'd to Newton hawker centre.

0845: Gather intelligence by reading Straits Times.

0915: Colleague gives me intelligence on on stock market. Attempt to communicate with HQ Stockbroking, but comms channel busy.

0930: Morning coffee break

1000: Back from coffee break and attempt to re-establish contact with HQ Stockbroking.

1030: CO calls, asking for sitrep on the upcoming unit Family Day Tombola Night. Brief him.

1045-1100: meeting with unit officers to discus whether $20 is too much to contribute for Encik's farewell party. Task 2LT to establish total cost, who is caterer, can find someone cheaper or not, etc?

1100: Officers rush to meet with CO on his proposed purchase of $30,000 computer system.

1105: We agree with CO and purchase approved. Talk about the Decisive Force! Communicate with colleagues about recce'ing new lunch place today.

1130: Communicate with local retail transport division about COE situation.

1200: Pes 'E' clerk fills my in-tray with documents he's drafted for me to sign. Scold him for being slow. What is he doing the whole morning? Bloody lobo. Assign him new work.

1215: Fall in outside parade square for lunch recce mission.

1415: Return from successful lunch recce mission. Traffic bad again, and had to topo to Holland V.

1430: Gather intelligence from The New Paper which I bought at lunch.

1445: CO calls me to brief him on suitable locations for family holiday mission.

1500: Check with Pes 'E' clerk whether assigned work is completed, and if not, please complete by tomorrow morning.

1515: Go downstairs to round up colleagues for afternoon tea break.

1530: Afternoon tea break

1600: Return from tea break. Meeting to discuss football match next week and upcoming EX TANAMERA, an 18-hole intra-division exercise.

1615: Finally establish contact with HQ Stockbroking and discuss stock performance at market close.

1630: Look at watch - it's nearly time to book out. Start clearing desk in case of surprise desk inspection.

1645: Move out early to beat traffic jam.

1700-2000: Dinner at HQ Mess, R&R with Sergeant and troops to boost morale.

2100: Rendezvous with colleagues at Geylang Camp for night manoeuvres.

If you want to write for We, The Citizens..., please email: thecock@talkingcock.com

25 June 2001

TODAY'S CITIZEN:
MOHD. BUNUH BIN NYAMUK, 34, mosquito control officer

People these days are all so obsessed with Aids, when they should be just as concerned with Aedes.

Because aedes mosquitoes (the Aedes aegypti and Aedes albopictus) transmit Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever, which is deadly, and far easier to contract.

And it's my job to stop it.

Can't say I expected when I graduated from poly that I'd be joining the Ministry of Environment's Vector Control and Research Department.

Most of my friends don't even know that that's the name of the department which handles mosquitoes.

When I tell them that I'm with the VCRD, they all ask whether I can get them pirated copies of 'Pearl Harbour'.

And when I tell them that I kill mosquitoes for a living, all my bloody cheena friends make "pak bang" jokes.

So how did I wind up here?

Well, my mother told me that all jobs are dirty jobs, so I figured, where's the place that actively promotes hygiene? That's how I wound up in ENV.

Of course, it's ironic that my job is not just dirty, it's filthy - going through stagnant water pools, construction sites, drains...

Anyway, my job just got much more interesting.

ENV has just decided to select the best mosquito agents for a new, top secret mission.

Apparently the higher ups have found a new mutant strain of mosquito - a real pest to them.

Some more, they're believed to have some qualities of spiders, because it seems the sites they inhabit are not in stagnant pools of water, but in webs.

Isn't that creepy?

So anyway, the government wants these mosquito websites wiped out, and who better to call than ENV?

It seems like it's going to be an inter-Ministry operation too - tomorrow, we're supposed to be briefed by the Internal Security Department.

Apparently, the way to stop the infestation is to put these mosquito sites on ice. And who knows about cold treatment better than those boys? Cool.

It must be a real problem for the government if they're taking such drastic measures to curb the growth of these mosquito sites.

I guess they must really bug the higher ups, ha ha ha.

Of course I can't share that joke with the higher ups. I heard they don't have a sense of humour.

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